I Was Lonely, So I Downloaded Bumble BFF

Let me start off by saying that this is not an ad for Bumble. 

About a month after I moved to Toronto I started to feel lonely. I needed friends. I needed girlfriends. 

In Fredericton, I had lots of girlfriends from different groups of friends that I had known since high school. Even if I was busy and couldn't make plans to meet up, I'd never go too long without running into someone at the mall, at the gym, or at Blonde Inc. Salon while getting pampered. 

But here in Toronto, you don't just bump into people or see too many familiar faces. 

I had my boyfriend, his good friend (and roommate) Ryan, Ryan's girlfriend Ceci, and Ceci's best friend Sam. Don't get me wrong, I love hanging out with all of those people buuuuuut I needed my own group of friends as well. And most importantly, I needed girlfriends.  

One day,  I was telling all of this to my dearest Ashley Lemmon over the phone when I said:  

"I wish there was a Tinder, but for friends." 

"There is! It's called Bumble BFF" she said. 

Hmmm an app to find friends, weird. But okay! 

So I did it. I actually downloaded Bumble BFF. At first I was nervous and kind of embarrassed. I didn't tell anyone at first, not even my boyfriend Marcus. 

The way Bumble BFF works is exactly like how regular Bumble works. You make a profile, you narrow your search to whatever age range and gender you're looking for, and you start swiping through profiles

Swipe right if you want to connect, swipe left if you don't. If both parties swipe right, you will be connected and have 24 hours to talk to each other through the app before your match expires. 

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I narrowed my search to women 21 and older. I think I rewrote my profile description seven or eight times. I looked at other people's profiles to make sure mine would fit in. Once I was confident enough in my profile pictures and descriptions, I started swiping right. 

I swiped right a lot. It's definitely unfair to judge a person based on appearance, but here's how I narrowed it down. 

I swiped right: 

  • If they liked drinking coffee or going for casual drinks
  • If they said they were new to the city
  • If they liked going to the gym 
  • If they mentioned Drake in their description 
  • If they mentioned they worked/had interests in media, fashion, modelling, startups, or PR 

I swiped left: 

  • If they didn't have a description or barely put effort into it
  • If their pictures were all selfies located in the same setting 
  • If they only had one picture 
  • If they were located out of Toronto
  • If they were vulgar or explicit in their description or picture
  • If they said they loved nature and doing "natury" things (sorry that's just not me) 
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I remember my first match. I was so excited. I actually texted Ashley and told her I had a match. I can't remember who I matched with, but I remember trying to think of something to say. I ended up just saying "Hi!" 

Soon enough, I had like twelve matches and five steady conversations going on through the app. It felt like speed dating. I honestly started feeling less lonely within the first few days just by talking to these women! 

I only ever met up with one person I matched with. Her name is Malaika and she's from London England. We met at Fresh on Richmond and Spadina. The place was packed. I arrived 20 minutes late because I was just getting off work, and Malaika was sitting in the corner by the window when I first saw her. When I got to the table, I apologized and she said it was totally fine.   

We talked about music (we both REALLY like hip-hop and R&B), travelling, moving to a new city, and relationships. After 2.5 hours of good conversation, we parted ways. 

I called Marcus immediately after to tell him about my new friend. He was happy I starting to make my own friends. 

After I got my serving job and started making "real life friends" at work, I didn't go on the app as much anymore. But please know that if you move to a new city, or if you're just looking to meet a new friend, Bumble BFF can be a great tool. 

Before I tried it, I thought I was too good to use an app to make friends. For a second, I convinced myself that I had all the social skills necessary to make friends the "normal way" and that I would only meet weird people online. THAT'S NOT TRUE. Don't ever be ashamed for online dating or making friends through the internet. It's okay, and it doesn't matter what others think. 

I'm so happy I didn't listen to my original thought. Talking to all of those women on the app really helped me feel less lonely during a time where I just needed to talk to a girl. And the best part is, I got one good friend out of the entire experience. 

To this day, I still talk to Malaika, and we hang out from time to time! I ended up deleting Bumble BFF, but I recently downloaded it again to see who else is out there. 

This weekend, I'm actually meeting up with another woman I met from Bumble (yay!!) If you're interested and want to know how it goes, slide into my Instagram DMs or email me and I'll be more than happy to answer. 

And once again, thanks for reading. 

Alex 

 

 

Toronto took a toll on my body

If you've read my previous blogs, you'd know that my move to Toronto has been a rollercoaster. 

Yes, it's been the best experience ever, but it's also been a constant struggle.

Not only am I mentally adjusting to living in this city, but my body is adjusting as well. 

For instance, in Fredericton I use to go to the gym four or five times a week. I ate healthy (and often), never skipped breakfast, and my idea of an awesome bedtime snack was air-popped popcorn 

Toronto is a whole other story. In fact, it's the opposite. 

Now, I almost never go the gym, I rarely eat breakfast, sometimes I only eat once a day (or I eat ALL day) and my idea of a bedtime snack is lots of chocolate, lots of ice cream — or both. 

When I first moved here, I went to the gym a lot. I tried to keep the same diet and workout consistency as I did in Fredericton. I bought the same groceries, cooked the same meals and did the same workouts. I don't know why, but it just didn't stick here. 

In July, I started a NEW serving job. I started getting more background acting work as well. I was busy. Like, no-time-to-shower-or-eat busy. 

I remember there was one weekend in August where I worked at the restaurant from 11 a.m. until 7:30 p.m., ran home and changed, then took the subway to a movie set for 10 p.m., worked until 6:00 a.m. the next morning, took the subway back home to change, and went to another set for 7:45 a.m. and finished around 9 p.m. the next night. I remember consuming a breakfast burrito at 1 a.m., a chicken platter plate at 2:30 a.m., and another big meal on set the next day at around 3 p.m. I also may have had a few apples in between. 

My schedule was so messed up. 

I gradually stopped eating breakfast just because I started sleeping in really late. I stopped going to the gym too. (I walk A LOT here, so I convinced myself that walking would replace the gym).

Some days, I would only eat once a day (I'd have maybe an apple or banana, or chocolate chip pancakes) and other days, all I would do is eat out! This happened on my days off where I thought to myself "well I haven't been eating much so I should treat myself" and "I'm too tired to buy groceries, I've been working like crazy!" 

I ate out a lot because of my hectic schedule, and then I just stopped buying groceries. On the rare occasion I would make a tuna melt or rice cakes with peanut butter and extra chocolate chips but I basically lived off of Chipotle burrito bowls. 

I started craving things I've never really craved before like Big Macs and pop. I can remember about a month ago I actually bought a root beer (thanks for passing on that addiction, Ashley Lemmon). If you know me you'd know that I never drink pop, and the only fast food restaurant I go to is Pita Pit. Not in Toronto. 

This way of living took a huge toll on my metabolism and I noticed my body changing— my abs slowly started to disappear and clothes were fitting a little snug. I don't have a scale but I've probably gained a good six pounds. 

But you know what, I don't really care. 

I guess what I'm really trying to get at is, when your life drastically changes, it's hard to keep the same routine. I'm in a transition period, and so is my body. I'm not going to get upset because I wasn't able to stay as fit as I'm use to. 

My Fredericton routine definitely does not work in Toronto because I don't have time to spend two hours at the gym anymore, or cook for hours on end. But I've also learned that I need to make more time for my basic needs. 

Sometimes you just have to "be bad" for a while in order to get back to where you were. If I made health and fitness my top priority while living in Toronto, I'd probably be on my way back to New Brunswick because I'd be broke and have no job. The hustle was mandatory and still is. 

In September I'll be moving in with my boyfriend which will make things a lot easier in terms of cooking healthy meals and staying motivated to go back to the gym.

I'll get back to where I was, but my body needs time to adjust to things too. 

Thanks for reading, 

- Alex